Evidence of Assessment

Evidence of Assessment

in a double-negative space

by Karyn Popel

On June 23, 2021, I was formally diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD), at the age of 41. This changed everything I knew about my past, my experiences in school, and who held the agency to construct my identity.

Diagnosis is problematic: the word implies a pathology that positions difference as a condition, disorder, abnormality, deficiency or disease. Diagnosed individuals are then held responsible for difficulties they encounter while trying to navigate systems and institutions that privilege normative standards as the metric of success.

The evidence used to diagnose neurodivergent individuals creates a double-bind: it constructs their disability in relation to normative standards; but it also stands as the gateway between identity trauma and identity re/formation.

On June 23, 2021, I was formally diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD), at the age of 41. This changed everything I knew about my past, my experiences in school, and who held the agency to construct my identity.

Diagnosis is problematic: the word implies a pathology that positions difference as a condition, disorder, abnormality, deficiency or disease. Diagnosed individuals are then held responsible for difficulties they encounter while trying to navigate systems and institutions that privilege normative standards as the metric of success.

The evidence used to diagnose neurodivergent individuals creates a double-bind: it constructs their disability in relation to normative standards; but it also stands as the gateway between identity trauma and identity re/formation.

i was the odd one out.

they were learning their ABCs
and how to read,

i was reading the room

learning to fit in.

the spaces

the faces

i was the odd one out.

they were learning their ABCs
and how to read,

i was reading the room

the spaces

the faces

learning to fit in.

it didn’t work

i worked

with
invisible effort
defensive detachment

listening to the words of

The Chorus

until they were
my words:

Outsider

Troublemaker

“Why can’t you just do this?”

i worked

with
invisible effort
defensive detachment

listening to the words of

The Chorus

until they were
my words:

Outsider

Troublemaker

“Why can’t you just do this?”

“Have you tried making a list?”

We’ve made it so simple, you see:

We’ve made it so simple, you see:

Get an agenda.

Get your head out of the clouds.

What are your priorities?

Get an agenda.

Get your head out of the clouds.

What are your priorities?

small_AdobeStock_727968758
small_AdobeStock_727968758

Maybe you lack:

Maybe you lack:

The
Skills

 

The
Strength

The
Drive

 

The
Morality

The

Essence

of

Being

The Skills

The Strength

The Drive

The Morality

The
Essence
of
Being

cover_scene03
cover_scene03

All you have to do is:

All you have to do is:

Break it down.

Pick up the pieces.

Make
yourself
into
something.

Break it down.

Pick up the pieces.

Make
yourself
into
something.

“It’s okay, we’ll give you a push…”

Fear

is a measure of
potential energy.

I’m not even supposed to be here.

I’m not supposed to be here by the authority to assess the suitability for wearability of these constructed credentials,

and—

I’m not even supposed to be here.

I am NOT supposed to speak truth to The Chorus:

Analyze.

(Problematize.)

Interrogate.

(Complicate.)

Fear

is a measure of
potential energy.

I’m not even supposed to be here.

I’m not supposed to be here by the authority to assess the suitability for wearability of these constructed credentials,

and—

I am NOT supposed to speak truth to The Chorus:

Analyze.

(Problematize.)

Interrogate.

(Complicate.)

I’m not even supposed to be here.

Yet…

Hear—

I am.

I take up space for invisible traumas,
the divisible and isolated while separated:
none great enough to speak their truth;
none great enough to:
for those who don’t speak in these tongues,

for this garden
this ‘garten
and its potential,
and its knowledge
you don’t see
the possibility
in this space,
just the refuse—
the refused,

They don’t hear me.

I guess I don’t speak so clearly.

I guess my words are not defined in lines.
It’s not so easy—
you see with rigidity—
to unsettle and disturb these boundaries:

these isms of this


prisonnnimmmm…

I’m not even supposed to be here.

Yet,

I grasp these shards and
make myself into something—

Speak out.  Stand out.

Stand up.  Speak up.

so I re-fuse
The Dialogues with
my criticism.

else.

Hear—

I am.

I take up space for invisible traumas,
the divisible and isolated while separated:
none great enough to speak their truth;
none great enough to:

Speak out.  Stand out.

Stand up.  Speak up.

for those who don’t speak in these tongues,

for this garden
this ‘garten
and its potential,
and its knowledge
you don’t see
the possibility
in this space,
just the refuse—
the refused,

so I re-fuse
The Dialogues with
my criticism.

They don’t hear me.

I guess I don’t speak so clearly.

I guess my words are not defined in lines.
It’s not so easy—
you see with rigidity—
to unsettle and disturb these boundaries:

these isms of this


prisonnnimmmm…

I’m not even supposed to be here.

Yet…

I grasp these shards and
make
myself
into
something—

else.

EXHIBIT A:
shards fragments of evidence

mixed media

The lines are blurred in liquid time. Who is the assessor, and who is the assessed?

Sharp.

Handle with care.

EXHIBIT A:
shards fragments of evidence
mixed media

The lines are blurred in liquid time. Who is the assessor, and who is the assessed? Sharp. Handle with care.

EXHIBIT B:
else/if

experiential media

.

This space intentionally left blank.

EXHIBIT B:
else/if

experiential media

This space intentionally left blank.

JPG Parts WIP 1 [POPEL]-2243

Karyn Popel identifies as a critical analyst and serial cynic. She likes to believe she wields a postdisciplinary framework that is unapologetically unschooled and lacking discipline. However—due circumstances beyond her control—she is currently a 3rd year undergraduate student in the BA Educational Studies program at York University.

In addition to taking up space in academia, Karyn makes intersectional claims to the identities of sound engineer, policy wonk, collector of hobbies and mother of dragons a toddler.

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JPG Parts WIP 1 [POPEL]-2243

Karyn Popel identifies as a critical analyst and serial cynic. She likes to believe she wields a postdisciplinary framework that is unapologetically unschooled and lacking discipline. However—due circumstances beyond her control—she is currently a 3rd year undergraduate student in the BA Educational Studies program at York University.

In addition to taking up space in academia, Karyn makes intersectional claims to the identities of sound engineer, policy wonk, collector of hobbies and mother of dragons a toddler.

Back to Top